Merry Openingdaymas

Well folks it's here.  The beginning of another season.  You know what's great about Openingdaymas in baseball? Everyone has hope that their team will overachieve and have an incredible season.  Just kidding.  The Phillies, Astros, and Marlins all have no hope and unlike basketball you can't lose 26 games in a row so you can get a franchise changing draft pick.  Baseball just don't work like that people.  So here's to the Phillies becoming the worst team in baseball in two years and to the 2018 season if you're an Astros/Marlins fan.


There is cause for excitement though, don't let me kill your vibe entirely.  Bryce Harper added about 2,000 pounds of muscle in the offseason so watching him break Barry Bonds record this year should be fun.  Mike Trout is still only like 12 years old so despite the fact that he's been AL MVP runner-up in back to back years we still get to watch him develop.  The Tigers will lose in the playoffs again (shout out to Ben Rome) and the Yankees will probably disappoint.  We get to watch Ian Kinsler get mad when he finds out the Rangers won their Openingdaymas game (they're playing the Phillies) and have his 0-162 dreams get dashed.

Without further ado, I'll give you the final standings for this season.  No need to play any regular season games, just skip to the playoffs because I already know what's going to happen.

AL

East:
Rays
Red Sox
Yankees
Orioles
Blue Jays

Central:
Tigers
Royals
Indians
White Sox
Twinkies

West:
Athletics
Angels
Rangers
Mariners
Astros


NL

East:
Nationals
Braves
Mets
Phillies
Marlins

Central:
Cardinals
Pirates
Reds
Brewers
Cubs

West:
Dodgers
Giants
Diamondbacks
Rockies
Padres