50 Cent Has a Second Career as a Pitcher

Just beautiful form, spotted on a dime.  Probably lit up the radar gun at like 96-98 mph guy can do it all.

P.S.
I probably shouldn't make fun of the guy, he could start for the Mets or the Phillies right now.

Josh Beckett Throws No-Hitter

Well folks bad teams do bad things.  The bobcats had an air ball free throw the year they set the record for the worst winning percentage in NBA history and the Phillies are abysmal offensively so no one should be surprised by this result.  Congrats to Josh Beckett though.  The man really battled. Had thrown 90 pitches through 6 innings and adjusted accordingly so that he could make it through the rest of the game.  Well done Beckett.

Here's the final out of Josh Beckett's 1st career no-hitter. VIDEO: http://t.co/CDMyeNbelv
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) May 25, 2014

By the way Chase Utley, let's have a better approach at the plate with the game on the line.  I mean just getting flat out beat by a 94 mph fastball without even attempting a swing just added insult to injury.

Dyin' Howard Strikes Again

The 2014 season is just 8 games old for the Phillies, but they reside in last place in the National League East. They've lost three straight games entering Thursday, when they attempt to avoid a sweep at Citizens Bank Park to the Milwaukee Brewers.

The Phillies have made 6 errors in the last three games. Their opponents have scored 15 runs in the innings the Phillies have made errors in those games. 

Even though his team has looked less than good lately - and their only series win came against the woeful Chicago Cubs - first baseman Ryan Howard said the Phillies have played "very well."

"In all actuality we’ve actually played very well this year," Howard said Thursday afternoon. "I disagree with everybody else. Our record doesn’t necessarily reflect that right now, but, you know, we’ve played well. We had three real bad games. So the only thing to do is go out there and try to win again." - Philly.com

I would say, "You're kidding right?" but it's Dyin' Howard we're talking about here.  Only this $25 million a year suckbag could be this out of touch with reality.  Don't blame Howard though,  he's merely a reflection of what this team has become.  From early on when Ruin Tomorrow Jr. tried to sell us on the fact that Marlon Byrd would put us over the edge, to Jonathon Papelbon telling us that the bullpen would be a top five bullpen in baseball this year, there is clearly a plan.  Find as many out of touch assholes, throw them on a team and watch that team crumble.  I hate everyone on this team, I really do.  I tried to tell myself that I didn't mind Cliff Lee, but one good apple doesn't save a rotten bushel.

Inevitably there will be chirpers that will say that this is a classic Philly fan move, that I loved them when they were good and now I hate them because they're bad.  Well you're wrong dickweeds.  I didn't like them then, I put up with them because they were winning a lot of baseball games, and I HATE them now.  This isn't even like the Sixers.  As I've said before this year's Sixers team is one of my favorites in recent memory.  Certainly my favorite since AI tha God left.  Just can't stand overpaid douchers who think that they can do whatever they want because they won some games a couple years ago.

By the way the Phillies have the third highest payroll in baseball at $170 million.  I'd like to take a minute to show the current rosters salaries vs. what their actual values are.

Catcher - Carlos Ruiz - Expected Value Salary - $3,000,000 - Actual Salary $8,500,000
First Base - Ryan Howard - $7,000,000 - $25,000,000
Second Base - Chase Utley - $8,700,000 - $15,000,000
Shortstop - Jimmy Rollins - $6,000,000 - $11,000,000
Third Base - Cody Asche - $490,000 - $490,000
Left Field - Dominic Brown - $9,500,000 - $550,000
Center Field - Ben Revere - $6,000,000 - $1,950,000
Right Field - Marlon Byrd - $8,000,000 - $8,000,000

Cliff Lee - $14,000,000 - $25,000,000
Cole Hamels - $9,000,000 - $20,000,000
A.J. Burnett - $12,000,000 - $16,5000,000

These numbers were based on WAR, PRV, and I even threw in a little cultural significance, to explain higher than average salaries.  I was most surprised at Marlon Byrd.  I thought he was grossly overpaid in the offseason, but his contract is fairly consistent with what he deserved from last season's performance.  Ben Revere was also a pleasant surprise even if I did have to extrapolate a second half of a season in order to get his PRV.  Anyway, total cost of the players listed in reality is $131,990,000.  Expected value for those same players is $80,690,000.  Nice job Ruben, nice job.

Merry Openingdaymas

Well folks it's here.  The beginning of another season.  You know what's great about Openingdaymas in baseball? Everyone has hope that their team will overachieve and have an incredible season.  Just kidding.  The Phillies, Astros, and Marlins all have no hope and unlike basketball you can't lose 26 games in a row so you can get a franchise changing draft pick.  Baseball just don't work like that people.  So here's to the Phillies becoming the worst team in baseball in two years and to the 2018 season if you're an Astros/Marlins fan.


There is cause for excitement though, don't let me kill your vibe entirely.  Bryce Harper added about 2,000 pounds of muscle in the offseason so watching him break Barry Bonds record this year should be fun.  Mike Trout is still only like 12 years old so despite the fact that he's been AL MVP runner-up in back to back years we still get to watch him develop.  The Tigers will lose in the playoffs again (shout out to Ben Rome) and the Yankees will probably disappoint.  We get to watch Ian Kinsler get mad when he finds out the Rangers won their Openingdaymas game (they're playing the Phillies) and have his 0-162 dreams get dashed.

Without further ado, I'll give you the final standings for this season.  No need to play any regular season games, just skip to the playoffs because I already know what's going to happen.

AL

East:
Rays
Red Sox
Yankees
Orioles
Blue Jays

Central:
Tigers
Royals
Indians
White Sox
Twinkies

West:
Athletics
Angels
Rangers
Mariners
Astros


NL

East:
Nationals
Braves
Mets
Phillies
Marlins

Central:
Cardinals
Pirates
Reds
Brewers
Cubs

West:
Dodgers
Giants
Diamondbacks
Rockies
Padres