The Sixers and Bucks are Robbed by Voldemort

Well we all knew deep down he was a villain.  You look like a villain, you're creepy like a villain, you're probably a villain.  God damn Voldemort carrying out the evils of his predecessor like a true dark lord.  I'm not even sure how this helped anybody out.  Cleveland gets the top pick for the third time in four years (rigged) with only a 1.7% chance of getting it (rigged) and they'll still somehow manage to blow their (rigged) pick yet again.  Once whoever the Cavs pick turns out to be a bust, and that's not an if people, this is Cleveland, only people with hammer dongs can affect this city in a positive way and never for long periods of time (see James, Lebron/Sabathia, CC/Lee, Cliff/Ramirez,
Manny/Manziel, Johnny in 5 years).   Philadelphia and Milwaukee will get people that will help them, but probably not the ones they really want.  The poor schmuck who gets drafted 1 overall will either A.) Suck balls or B.) Lose Kyrie Irving to free agency and be stuck by himself in the most god forsaken sports city on earth.  Last, but not least, Voldemort looks even more like his true self, even though he gets the last laugh because he's already in power.  And just think how excited I was at the end of the last draft when I realized I never had to listen to David Stern again.  Whatever, Parker is going to the Sixers and I'm buying a throwback jersey.  I still win, go to hell you devil snake.

Stank Face Bitch.

J-Pizzle Going Pro

Jabari Parker, as expected, is moving on to the NBA after one season at Duke.

Parker announced his decision Thursday in an article for Sports Illustrated.

"Ultimately, I boiled my decision down to two simple questions," Parker wrote:

"Which environment — college or the NBA — offers me the best opportunity to grow as a basketball player?

"Which environment — college or the NBA — offers me the best opportunity to grow and develop off the court?"

The answer to both questions is undeniably the NBA." - USATODAY.COM

Oh boy.  Well we've all been waiting on pins and needles for the announcement and it's finally come. Jabari Parker, one of the elite talents, and in my unbiased opinion, my favorite player on Earth is going pro.  He did it perfectly too, didn't declare too early and make it look like he couldn't wait to leave and get his money, didn't wait too long and make it look like he wasn't committed to the NBA, just waited until he made his decision and went for it.  I mean the guy has got to have a dick the size of India.  Christ, it might even be as big as China, who knows?  What I do know is that he has supreme talent, a big body, and apparently a good head on his shoulders.  Guy is gonna light up the NBA, no doubt about it.  I think I'll cry tears of joy if the Sixers draft him.