Johnny Manziel to be Sued for $25 Million

In a weird turn of events a lawsuit has been filed that seeks a restraining order and $25 million from Johnnny Football for sexual harassment.  While most sexual harassment cases need to taken very seriously, rape and sexual harassment are not things to joke about, this is obviously some crazy bullshit.  First off, Johnny Fucking Football has no need to sexually harass anybody, man can grab any puss he wants on earth.  Secondly, after reading the allegations, which repeatedly make reference to Johnny calling his own enormous penis small, I can safely say there is no possible way this was him.  I've said it once and I'll say it again, Johnny Football has a donkey dick and there's no way around that.

The suit was filed by someone going by the name Samantha Schacher.   The confusing thing about that is that Schacher is a CNN contributor and the address on the lawsuit is CNN's headquarters in Atlanta.  So it is very likely that this was some sort of pathetic joke and no one is laughing.  Here are some highlights from the lawsuit.

"Manziel told me if I don't want him because his penis is small, when he gets drafted by the NFL he will get a penis enlargement and he'll be Long John Silvers."

"Johnny Manziel refers to his penis as his Vienna Sausage and told me good things come from small packages."

"Johnny Manziel said he Skyes [sic] with Judereon Clowney [sic] in South Carolina, and Clowney sent Manziel a Pic of is penis which was 9 inches, and Manziel showed it to me on Skype and asked me if I could handle that monster."

"Manziel sent me a homemade video of himself at Walt Disney World on "It's a Small World" ride in the Magic Kingdom, and while the song is on, he puts the camera down and unbuttons his pants, pulls his penis out and jingles his penis to the music."

I mean clearly just some class A horseshit.  People are always gonna come for people at the top and obviously Johnny is the top of the top.

Here's the entire suit if you care to read it.

Samantha Schacher v Johnny Manziel

This is what Johnny's lawyer has to say about this nonsense.

This joke "lawsuit" is obviously 1000000% fake and/ or frivolous. Embarrassing I even have say this after reading the nonsense.
— Erik Burkhardt (@ErikBurkhardt) May 23, 2014

Draft Day is Here. May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor.

Ladies and Genltlemen, I proudly present my long awaited 2014 NFL Mock Draft. I know you are all very excited to see tonight who your favorite team will select with their first round selection. Finally all the media coverage will stop with the debating over where the top prospects will play for the next few season, and for that I am thankfull. But without further delay, here is my mock. Enjoy. #stereohearts #nosoap

1.            Houston (2-14) Jadeveon Clowney DE

2.            St. Louis - from Washington (3-13) Greg Robinson OT

3.            Jacksonville (4-12) Sammy Watkins WR

4.            Cleveland (4-12) Khalil Mack OLB

5.            Oakland (4-12) Jake Matthews OT

6.            Atlanta (4-12) Eric Ebron TE

7.            Tampa Bay (4-12) Mike Evans WR

8.            Minnesota (5-10-1) Johnny Manziel QB

9.            Buffalo (6-10) Taylor Lewan OT

10.        Detroit (7-9) Odell Beckman Jr. WR

11.        Tennessee (7-9) Anthony Barr OLB

12.        New York Giants (7-9) Zach Martin OT

13.        St. Louis (7-9) Justin Gilbert CB

14.        Chicago (8-8) CJ Mosley OLB

15.        Pittsburgh (8-8) Aaron Donald DT

16.        Dallas (8-8) Ha Ha Clinton Dix S

17.        Baltimore (8-8) Kyle Fuller CB

18.        New York Jets (8-8) Zack Martin OT

19.        Miami (8-8) Ju’waun James OT

20.        Arizona (10-6) Blake Bortles QB

21.        Green Bay* (8-7-1) Stan Jean Baptiste CB

22.        Philadelphia* (10-6) Brandon Cooks WR

23.        Kansas City* (11-5) Kyle Van Noy OLB

24.        Cincinnati* (11-5) Bradley Roby CB

25.        San Diego* (9-7) Morgan Moses OT

26.        Cleveland - from Indianapolis* (11-5) Teddy Bridgewater QB

27.       New Orleans* (11-5) Joel Bitonio OT

28.        Carolina* (12-4) Marqise Lee WR

29.        New England* (12-4) Clavin Pryor S

30.        San Francisco* (12-4) Darqueze Dennard CB

31.        Denver* (13-3) Cody Latimer WR

32.    Seattle* (13-3) Jason Verret CB

Texas Does it Big. Again

As the title says everything is bigger down in Texas. On Monday, the Houston Texans made sure the rest of the league knew of that as they invited both Johnny Manziel and Jadeveon Clowney to visit the Texans complex.

Ballsy move? Some would say so. By inviting both draft prospects on the same day essentially Houston made a statement: Sell yourself to us. 

Lets picture the arrival both guys made to Houston on Monday. I’m sure Clowney was escorted in by those same South Carolina cops who let him slide with a speeding ticket awhile back, and Johnny probably took daddy’s benz out of the garage for a quick spin down the road to the Texans complex.

I am sure that, new head coach, Bill O'brien was anxious to meet both of these individuals. For starters, Clowney is feared by pretty much everyone on the opposing side of the line of scrimmage during a football game. So, With O'brien being an offensive guy, what better scenario than to not have to prepare for him on game day. On the other side of things, I am sure ol’ Bill wouldn’t be being against having Johnny Football run his offense on any given Sunday, even after many reports saying that he “doesn’t believe his playing style would fit his offensive scheme”.  After all this is the same Bill O'brien who said he would lead Penn State to a National Championship in the future, but we all know how that ended up.

But hey, who knows how it all went down in Houston on Monday. Guess we will have to wait and see who won over the Texans organization more. My money is on Johnny, cause who doesn’t love some Johnny Football, right Jon Gruden?. #paperchasin’ #nosoap

From One Hall of Famer to Another

"If Roger Staubach were on the clock with the No. 1 pick in the NFL draft, there's no doubt in his mind that he'd take quarterback Johnny Manziel over defensive end Jadeveon Clowney.

The Pro Football Hall of Famer, who was taken as a 10th round future pick in the 1964 draft by the Dallas Cowboys, thinks Manziel will have the same impact as a certain Super Bowl-winning quarterback.

"I think Manziel is a Russell Wilson-type player," Staubach said Wednesday on the NFL Network. "He doesn't have the height, (but) he has a strong arm and he throws with accuracy.

"... I just think there's something about this kid - the quickness. Today in the league, the quarterbacks can fly; we weren't allowed to do that. I think Manziel is going to be a valuable player in the NFL."

The Houston Texans have the No. 1 pick in the NFL draft, which will be held May 8-10."  - ESPN

Well if that ain't the darndest thing.  A hall of famer recognizing hall of fame talent.  Like I have tried to impress upon everyone on earth, Johnny Manziel has enormous penis.  And also an enormous amount of talent.  But mostly the penis part.  He will be good in the NFL.  While other subpar fame seeking succubuses (I'm staring directly into your soul A.J. McDouche) are making bullshit reality shows with their hot ass fiancé, Johnny is out there grinding to be the best.  The man works hard and then enjoys playing the game when he is out there.  No one ever called him a bad teammate that I'm aware of and no one said he didn't work hard.  All I've ever heard is complaints about him being a cocky dick on the football field.  Well guess what? When you're the best you can do shit like that.  Like my Momma always told me, they're just jealous Johnny, they're just jealous.  

New Song: Draft Day - Drake

Well God damn.  If there's one thing I love more than artichokes dipped in melted butter it's when music and sports figures hang out/are besties.  This whole Drake adopting the young studs thing makes me pretty hard not gonna lie.  Drizzy Drake just drips some nastiness all over everyone.

Now for the seriousness, let's rank each of these dudes in their chosen profession.  We'll start with Drake.  While Drake has conquered the craft of soft, almost r&b type rapping he still falls short of some of the others in his profession.  Just as a prelude this is a power ranking of active rappers, so obviously 'Pac and Biggie will be excluded from the list.  On top of the game right now has to be King Kendrick.  Kendrick Lamar.  Kendrick Lamar.  Kendrick Lamar.  Literally every word that he spits drips with gold.  Can't wait for his album to come out this year.  Drake could easily fall second, but I just can't bring myself to do it (sorry Cody).  J. Cole has to go here.  Every song on Born Sinner captured my attention.  I just can't say the same about Nothing was the Same.  Drake is good, he's probably third, but I don't think he's got the crown right now.

Next is Johnny because he's got the most media attention right now.  Dude just had his pro day and came out swingin some dick around.  When you're listening to A$AP Ferg while tossing a football around on a dime I immediately respect you more.  I honestly think he's the best quarterback in this draft.  He's more mobile than Teddy, better with the rock in his hand than Bortles and the other point men aren't even in the same class as Johnny.  Hopefully he goes to a good situation and is able to succeed.  Really none of the teams at the top of the draft this year are too bad.  Houston is a solid team, the rams don't have that many holes, the Jags got a lot better this offseason, any of those places will work for him.

Finally we can move on to Andrew 'Wiggle It' Wiggins.  The guy can ball.  Decent court vision, he can score as witnessed by the 41 he threw up against West Virginia.  Only concern here is that he doesn't have the broad shoulders that Lebron has and I'm not talking about his physical shoulders.  He just doesn't seem like he's ready to be the leader of a team and carry them to wins they don't deserve.  Lebron looked ready in high school. Wiggins may develop that, but I'd be wary if I were an NBA team.  Still clearly the best prospect in this years draft, but I think Jabari is more NBA ready.  Just another humble opinion from the Commish.

Update: Sorry to everyone who already looked at this and missed out.  Here's the link to download the song Draft Day. I had to do it for ya.

https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/142630619/download?client_id=0f8fdbbaa21a9bd18210986a7dc2d72c